I am a dancing cloud that no one will ever catch an island I have made entirely for myself. Coconut ice cream and dagger seas. You can join in the foot pattern or merely observe from your plane passing by. But I will never leave I will not forsake this bird of my soul that has nested so deep inside that she can’t be caught or tamed. I am a dark fire ball that has landed to amaze and bring you warmth but I will not be dampened nor will I ever be explained. No one knows where I had come from or if I will keep digging deep into the soil that can’t keep me still. I vibrate red, an eternal flame that shatters mirrors and tears walls. I am the open air the rolling of the rocks that fall as you kick them down the mountain. Once I am moved I will keep moving not because I do not want to be where I was but to go where I know I’m supposed to go. And where is that? I don’t know. I am a mere contradiction that carves my own definition in to the tree of life. No words or iron clad fists can nail me. For I don’t even know my purpose but I know what I am. I am free and like this bird who is deep in my chest as I push off this mortal coil I will inhabit the nearest star and burn it up as bright as the noon day sky so that every single cell in this universe has a piece of what I was. Nothing but pure and unending desire passion and love that can be felt in the bones of your toes and the cells on the tip of your tongue. Taste with your heart, feel with your mind, and love with every inch of who you are and then you can see what it is to truly be me.
Sitting at my secretary, everything, the madness, seems arbitrary. (If it Rhymes it MUST be true). Lately it seems that everything has been spinning and spinning, with no signs of stopping. Hard to get a handle on things, let alone see straight. But now I take moments like this to just sit down and just be. Just being is incredibly important to full mental clarity, and lately I believe I’m beginning to understand exactly what that means.
Take today for an example. Last night I took it upon myself to map out my day today, from my very “morning routine” to even posting this blog, and my meditation tonight before bed. (Meditation Monday? haha). Waking up today knowing I had exact plans for myself, no matter how small they may seem, gave me purpose today and I actually got a lot done. Crazy how just a simple thing like a planner could have a profound impact on ones day-to-day life.
I have practically accomplished every, single, thing on my list. Maybe in my actual life with the bigger and much more outstanding goals, planning may not be such a bad thing after all.
I have always been the kind that likes to organize, to keep things tidy (sometimes), so I feel like I have clarity. But if I don’t take a conscious effort on the side to really talk to myself about what it is I NEED to accomplish, it may never get done.
So I’m writing today because, indeed, it was in my planner to do so, but I am also writing to encourage everyone to take the time to reflect on the day you had and the day you WANT to have tomorrow. Write it down, and believe me if you write it down it will be real, and you will accomplish what it is you need to accomplish. Better for you, for your mind, and for your life.
NOT the exclamation, “Oh Dear Me!” but really an address to myself on this day of all days. It is the beginning of the week and change is in the air. Soon you will be going to your first day of work (next week) so till then its just you and me and this calm keyboard at your fingertips.
Who knows what this will bring, obviously money which can be good when you need it, but what else? A new found confidence, and a new sense of self, that’s what!
You already feel its effects, the posture, the tone in your voice, the maturity in the way you think. No mean to brag about you me, but seriously you’ve been doing great these past few weeks, really stepping up on that confidence game! If only “certain” people in your life would take notice and maybe make a few changes for themselves as well.
Truly though I know you feel that way, but just think that the only person you really need is you.
The places you are already going, even down to how you dress. Is an expression of your self worth, never be afraid to stand up for who you truly are and what you truly want.
God you are so beautiful when you love yourself. People even see it, I know you saw those looks from those guys in the store that day. Its not just because you are beautiful on the outside (which I know sometimes you think you’re fat and you hate your smile and call it crooked) but they see that glow. That pure glow of love, for who you are and for the world around you.
Never stop loving the world and your life and the things you were given in it. I know you know this but truly never forget, that the true beauty of who you truly are is when you love yourself, then the rest of the world will love you right along with you.
Me, you are doing great. Never stop being yourself. Never stop believing you can make it because despite what anyone ever tells you, you can. And no matter what anyone ever promises you if you can, don’t do it for them but do it for yourself. Love you me, love you harder stronger and longer than anyone in this world can and ever will. Then, and only then will you succeed. Stop criticizing everything you do, stop thinking you’re less than what you are, stop thinking you deserve nothing when you deserve it all.
I know you can do it, I know you will be everything you ever dreamed you could be. You are beautiful. You are wanted. You are loved.
My best regards, my deepest love,