First ever MANIACAL MOOOOONNNDDDAAAAAYYYYYY!! *said in an announcer voice* Of all the rest of the Mondays to come this should probably be my rustiest.
It has been one hot minute since I’ve written-er “typen” my free flowing thoughts, almost like a journal per se.
Life has been throwing at me almost any thing it can to test my inner strength with myself. Meaning really giving me a lot of opportunities to be alone, and feel alone.
Usually for someone of my nature who was once use to being alone and finding things to entertain myself with, now that I have grown accustomed to being surrounded by people (whether that be family, my love, my friends, or strangers in the open world) I have always, since the year 2008, been surrounded and been stimulated by company. Since my parents have taken a holiday to the innermost states, I have been trusted with the keep of my home and family pet, a Labrador named Beau. Who is much like a child to the chagrin of his age. He’s a puppy in an old dog’s fur pelt.
But back to the loneliness I have currently been facing. In the darkest hours of the night and even the brightest hours of the day, I find myself in a daze. Thinking thoughts and turning situations that would normally seem mundane, into something farfetched and terrifyingly heartbreaking (which depending on the thought could be seen literally or metaphorically).
I have found my mind to be its most diluted and sickened when I am truly and sadly sickened by my own company. Which is what my point is really about being alone has really made me aware of how I see myself, the world, and really my own company. How confident I am in myself and how much I love myself really reflects on how I feel when I am all alone. So lately I have been trying to repair the damage I have been secretly been giving myself for the past 7 years.
So have I found a solution yet? Not really but in truth re-starting this blog again is really giving me something to look forward to and plan for which keeps my mind busy. I have also taken up working out, yoga and such. I can’t wait to begin the healing process to loving myself again. Really I feel like all its going to take is the time to build a life for myself with hobbies, adventures, and knowing that I am a great person and no person’s opinion should formulate that opinion for me. Confidence starts from within and I am definitely working hard at it.
Hope you all enjoyed the sneak peek into my heart and my Maniacal Monday Post!!!
Peace and Love! may you find that love for yourself within yourself!!!