I am a dancing cloud that no one will ever catch an island I have made entirely for myself. Coconut ice cream and dagger seas. You can join in the foot pattern or merely observe from your plane passing by. But I will never leave I will not forsake this bird of my soul that has nested so deep inside that she can’t be caught or tamed. I am a dark fire ball that has landed to amaze and bring you warmth but I will not be dampened nor will I ever be explained. No one knows where I had come from or if I will keep digging deep into the soil that can’t keep me still. I vibrate red, an eternal flame that shatters mirrors and tears walls. I am the open air the rolling of the rocks that fall as you kick them down the mountain. Once I am moved I will keep moving not because I do not want to be where I was but to go where I know I’m supposed to go. And where is that? I don’t know. I am a mere contradiction that carves my own definition in to the tree of life. No words or iron clad fists can nail me. For I don’t even know my purpose but I know what I am. I am free and like this bird who is deep in my chest as I push off this mortal coil I will inhabit the nearest star and burn it up as bright as the noon day sky so that every single cell in this universe has a piece of what I was. Nothing but pure and unending desire passion and love that can be felt in the bones of your toes and the cells on the tip of your tongue. Taste with your heart, feel with your mind, and love with every inch of who you are and then you can see what it is to truly be me.
“Fearing the lonesome
grabbing what you can,
Better to be
suffocated then breathe empty air.”
– Danielle McHale >*<
It doesn’t matter how hard you try,
Flowers will always die.
Feed them, love them, but birds are still meant to fly.
As the saying goes if you love someone let them go,
Yet I still lie in wait for them to come back, An ever growing battle with my heart
To and fro
What if they never come back?
What if it isn’t so?
But one thing I’ve noticed
And as true as it may be
What’s important if your love for me.
So self, listen dearly for I will only say this once,
Love yourself the greatest of them all.
You will never let yourself down, you will never let yourself fall.
Be determined in all that you do,
And when you are ready to say the words say them true.
Say I love you, to you.
The trees they fold me in
A disastrous quiver of excitement.
I am overtaken.
Deeper and deeper till there is no more
I am but the earth
a child of the moon and lore.
To believe is to have, to have is to believe
Those who don’t believe are left in want.
Tangles realities finding happiness to weave.
It is but a dream this reality
The truth is in your mind
Just hidden away waiting for you to find.
It longs to be free it longs to fly
Leave it for too long it will die.
Life is your work of art every moment your carving tool
How will you use it?
Smashing it and fixing the pieces?
Living brightly and happily inching your way through masterpieces?
Creeping slowly and yet it waits,
Under the sheet of your daydreams.
If it does not find a home in your mind
there are other ways.
Sinking down below
It travels through your veins.
With a cannonball it takes a swim in your stomach.
There you shall feel its pains,
It hits you and squeezes you
till you can’t take anymore.
It screams,”Give in to me!”
But you will not, no matter how great the pain.
Staying strong you have felt its hollering presence.
Do not listen to its close, loud, whispers.
You are not worthless,
You are not alone.
For above a light has always shone
And below the earth to hold you.
You don’t need anyone to make you feel like you.
You don’t need anyone to keep you together like glue.
You are beautiful just the way you are
Love yourself, and be your own best friend
A love that is worthy
Till the end.
*Author’s Note: Today I have felt the cruel clutches of loneliness and its depraving words. Trust me when I say that I know the darkness but I know the light and its there where I want to stay. Tell yourself you love you everyday. It isn’t sad to say that we are our own best friends, because its true. Pure, purest self love (not to be confused with selfishness) is the most important love we can ever allow ourselves to have. Love yourself and you can truly love others.
Nights filled with dark crayon stretch mark skies,
Pieces of it fell into my eyes.
Too sleepy to even sleep
Counting my toes instead of sheep,
Those weird tiny nails through my socks did creep.
I night dream awake of those day dreams asleep
and out the halls.
Its always at night I am who I have always been
Carefully wrapped up in my stuffed
Koalas and pajamas
I am the finger licking little girl
sneaking the last bite of sweet and delicate macarons.
Till day comes, the play goes.
And as the moon is to wax and wane,
I am stripped of my lunar self
And reality is my bane.
Somehow I always find you
Whether I am awake or asleep
You have burned your image in me
An ever growing want, burning need
To feel your skin, to taste your lips
To hear your sweet voice,
Such a sweet, sweet sorrow our love is.
So delicate and yet so strong
We defeat every reason to belong.
It’s like a fire charging through the door
More hot than the endless summer nights can endure.
Painful progress its a disaster through and through
All this change within me and within you.
New hobbies are found and old habits will stay
No matter which way we go we’re together and I like it this way.
Growing up but never growing apart
Seeing which way to go and where to start.
Helping each other find ourselves together
Through thick and thin, through toil and weather.
Guardians of our souls, we are the ultimate lovers
Holding each other up and letting each other go.
We are the children who shine the lights under the covers
Making the shadows with our finger tips
Always joined at the hips. The greatest sidekick
That is what lovers are for, always and more.
Tuesday nights, normally spent with you
But tonight corners scream your name, every shadow in my room
Empty space and empty air
My tangled and unkempt hair
If you could see me now I’d look insane
I’d have my fantasies of you clinging to my window pane
Sneaking into my bed,
That perfect nook in your underarm is where I’d put my head
The scent of you surrounding me
That dimple in your chin I’d place my finger so perfectly
I know every inch of you
The perfections, the flaws,
The outline of your feet to your jaw
But tonight I am awake with myself and not dreaming with you
I can’t help feeling lonely even if I wanted to
Somewhere I hope you are thinking of me
Laughing in remembrance of our jokes, our memories
I couldn’t forget you even if I tried
Even when I am asleep you’re in my dreams
In my soul you have my entire heart tied
I guess no one is ever as far as it seems.