25 Songs, 25 Days- Day 4

Day 04- A song that calms you down

Elder Scrolls -Skyrim: Far Horions

Video game soundtracks are such a weakness for me.  I could listen to them nonstop all the time and I feel like they are highly underrated. The Skyrim soundtrack is beautifully composed by Jeremy Soule.  This particular song is something I listen to on the regular.  Whether I am taking a nice relaxing bath, or even whilst attempting to fall asleep this song coos me in the best possible way.  Setting such a beautiful atmosphere.

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25 Songs, 25 Days- Day 3

Day 3 of the 25 days of 25 songs, today I will share with you a song that reminds me of both of my parents….

You’ve lost that Loving Feeling by The Righteous Brothers

I could have really chosen several hundred songs that would make me think of them.  Because of them I was introduced to the world of music.  Eclectic tastes is what I have, and it is all due to them.  The reason I chose this particular song because of my memories I feel it portrays.  My family and I used to go on long car trips, to Malibu, or up the coast in Southern California, lots of different places.  My Father always called our random trips a “Serendipity”.  We would have CDs in the car but we always had those specific songs we would burst out singing at the top of our lungs to, this song is no exception.

 

25 Songs, 25 Days

Welcome fellow readers, observers, and listeners.

Today is another “25 songs…” post.

2- A song that reminds you of your most recent ex-boyfriend/ girlfriend

Good Enough by Evanescence

This song has a lot of power to it, even to this day I love it for the way it reflects my deepest soul’s longing to be good enough for the person I love.  Though I know this person and I are no longer in those depths of passion and infatuation anymore, this song at the time I heard it was my feelings screaming out for that person.  Now  this song is really more of a reflection of the kind of person I was rather than how I feel about someone. I was never one of those kind of people who was confident towards the opposite sex.  Being horribly introverted, I could never profess anything to really anyone.  Hilarious story attached to this song, which is probably why it sticks in my memory so much, I had this song set as the ringtone for my ex before we were together and even before I knew he had the same feelings for me.  One day I couldn’t find my phone and had him call it.  Not realizing it wasn’t muted, the song blared out at the most profound moment of the song, “…I can’t say no to you and I’ve completely lost myself and I don’t mind, I can’t say no to you, shouldn’t have let you conquer me completely, now I can’t let go of this dream can’t believe that I feel good enough…” at that moment my cards were showing. I tried to play it off like that was my ringtone for everyone. I felt like a creepy dork.

Now I love this song for how it reminds me of beautiful young love, my young sweet self, and how I feel now that I am good enough for someone to love me back just as much as I love them.

 

25 Songs, 25 Days

Songs for the next 25 days!

How exciting! Especially for this being my first published blog post since, for a long time haha.

Gonna try to add more posts day to day.  Look forward to more writing excitements 🙂

Day 01- A song from your childhood

Popsicle Toes by Michael Franks

One of the first songs that really embedded itself into my memory.  Long car rides with cassette tapes being jammed into the radio.  Michael Franks was my ride along jam companion. My first music addiction, (not excluding Motown).  This song takes me down memory lane, and frigid cold toes that I somehow believed he was singing just to me.

 

 

Red

I am a dancing cloud that no one will ever catch an island I have made entirely for myself.  Coconut ice cream and dagger seas.  You can join in the foot pattern or merely observe from your plane passing by.  But I will never leave I will not forsake this bird of my soul that has nested so deep inside that she can’t be caught or tamed.  I am a dark fire ball that has landed to amaze and bring you warmth but I will not be dampened nor will I ever be explained.  No one knows where I had come from or if I will keep digging deep into the soil that can’t keep me still.  I vibrate red, an eternal flame that shatters mirrors and tears walls.  I am the open air the rolling of the rocks that fall as you kick them down the mountain.  Once I am moved I will keep moving not because I do not want to be where I was but to go where I know I’m supposed to go.  And where is that? I don’t know.  I am a mere contradiction that carves my own definition in to the tree of life.  No words or iron clad fists can nail me.  For I don’t even know my purpose but I know what I am.  I am free and like this bird who is deep in my chest as I push off this mortal coil I will inhabit the nearest star and burn it up as bright as the noon day sky so that every single cell in this universe has a piece of what I was.  Nothing but pure and unending desire passion and love that can be felt in the bones of your toes and the cells on the tip of your tongue.  Taste with your heart, feel with your mind, and love with every inch of who you are and then you can see what it is to truly be me.

Anxiety

Her heart was heavy, but she knew her heart was good, kind.  For she had soft-spoken attributes.  Polite and serene, one could mistaken her as shy.  She was that, but she screamed thoughts.  Her opinions were thick with passion’s rich flavor.  She felt so much.  Sometimes too much.  Which is why I push people away, she punched herself in her mind over and over again with that thought.  Tis a funny thing, those who claim to want honesty, full disclosure of thoughts and feelings get to easily turned off by those who leave nothing hidden.

To her, this was her curse and blessing.  Her love was not like anyone’s or anything’s.  She was a restless soul, never feeling sated always on the path to discovery, she always felt destined that maybe in this mortal coil she was supposed to accomplish something monumental.  But what? A tug-o-war of satisfaction and depression left her feeling confused, always this sense of want and need.  Will it ever be filled?

Her car was her sanctuary, the getaway to the world of possibilities.  Yet she say there in a random store’s parking lot waiting for what?  An epiphany? Prince Charming?  She always set out to do something, never accomplishing.  Ironic how the one thing she thought she longed for caused her great anxiety, people and interacting with them.

She enjoyed banter, affection, physical attraction, and flirtations.  Only increasingly when she had been drinking.  Anxiety can be crippling, ticks and strange habits were her soul’s only rest from it.  But getting a handle on them was always a chore, “I’m getting too old for this,” she muttered to herself.  Next year’s coming would inevitably lead to her 30th birthday.  Having such a young soul, she knew this could only spell doom.

 

Another missed call?  From who?  She wondered.  Her anxiety was high.  The highest it had been in decades.  Am I supposed to feel this?  This ever growing constancy of meaningless butterflies?  Wish they would come when it mattered.  A brief heartburn pain could be mistaken as love’s first knock.  “Crap!”  She said out loud to her droning car’s air conditioner, the only company she deemed worthy or rather accepting of her ever growing nervousness.  “God I need real company.  This talking to myself crap has gotta stop.”

With a sudden flick of her wrist she turned the ignition off.  Even shocking herself at her minuscule impulsiveness.  Ok girl, you’re just gonna go into Target and look around.  Maybe start up a conversation with the cashier.  Shouldn’t be too much to handle.

She knew she had been spending too much time in her comfort zone since being out of school and having no job.  Time was all she had lately.  Now was the time to slowly start introducing herself back into society.  Back to life, back to reality, she sang in her head humorously.

Her hands filled with adrenaline, shooting  tingles like sand dripping from her fingers.  Her body felt light and heavy all at once.  Breathing yet again needed to be a conscious effort.  Not too much, but not too little.  Trying to push back the thought of what if she was breathing too little, when in fact she could’ve been breathing too much.  What if I’m hyperventilating and don’t know it?  She felt a sudden panic at the thought.  Another voice she found telling her to relax.  You know who you are be confident….people will know. And then crept in Miss Degrading, People will judge you and your nervousness.  They’ll think something is wrong with you, don’t breathe too loud……(to be cont.)

 

*Note: Just a sample of the current short story series I am writing.  I will be covering different emotions, feelings, habits, sinful delights.  Just different things all based off human emotions.  This is very close to my heart being a sufferer of an Anxiety/Panic disorder this is something I deal with on a daily hourly basis, ever since the age of 15.  This has been my life.  I hope to bring awareness and little more understanding of what a person like me goes through, step by step.  If you are a sufferer and would like me to add anything (do note it is not finished) let me know and I’ll definitely take it in to consideration.

Love of love and happiness, till next time

Dani>*<

Cloud

Puckered lips, they always burn in the light.

Driving grip, you hold his hand tight.

He always loved the ocean, the whispering waves.

The shells, the tide pools, and the caves.

Sitting on shore, you watched beckoning for glances.

This was one of those soul stirring romances,

The kind that would take your breath and never give it back

The kind that would coo your spirits and give you a heart attack.

Your spirit was a warm effervescent candle of kindness and love,

His was blue and cold like the oceans crashing below or the airy sky above.

In each others eyes there would always be a pool of satisfaction

But just like the universe there will always be a positive and negative reaction.

It will toy with your emotions and cause you doubt

Make you feel uneasy and wanting to run about

But it will also be freeing like an endless road to anywhere

A feeling of want and need and yet a feeling you can fly everywhere.

You are the two poles the north and the south,

the migration and the hearth.

The desire for more and the desire to stay,

The desire for stillness and the desire for play.

So you sit there and watch him as he walks away,

A cloud you could never catch but would just as breathe anyway.

Clouds never stay, better to save the rain for a sunny day.

 

 

 

 

 

MM: Planner and life

Sitting at my secretary, everything, the madness, seems arbitrary. (If it Rhymes it MUST be true).  Lately it seems that everything has been spinning and spinning, with no signs of stopping.  Hard to get a handle on things, let alone see straight.  But now I take moments like this to just sit down and just be.  Just being is incredibly important to full mental clarity, and lately I believe I’m beginning to understand exactly what that means.

Take today for an example.  Last night I took it upon myself to map out my day today, from my very “morning routine” to even posting this blog, and my meditation tonight before bed.  (Meditation Monday? haha). Waking up today knowing I had exact plans for myself, no matter how small they may seem, gave me purpose today and I actually got a lot done.  Crazy how just a simple thing like a planner could have a profound impact on ones day-to-day life.

I have practically accomplished every, single, thing on my list.  Maybe in my actual life with the bigger and much more outstanding goals, planning may not be such a bad thing after all.

I have always been the kind that likes to organize, to keep things tidy (sometimes), so I feel like I have clarity.  But if I don’t take a conscious effort on the side to really talk to myself about what it is I NEED to accomplish, it may never get done.

So I’m writing today because, indeed, it was in my planner to do so, but I am also writing to encourage everyone to take the time to reflect on the day you had and the day you WANT to have tomorrow.  Write it down, and believe me if you write it down it will be real, and you will accomplish what it is you need to accomplish. Better for you, for your mind, and for your life.

MM:’Tis Another Day…

tis another day, just like all the other days that have been laid before it.

As the days progress it gets harder and harder to fully realize my own potential.  Even though I am quite sure of myself and the things I want to accomplish.  Sooooooo like I have always tried to, I will attempt to post regularly on this blog.

Maniacal Mondays: Free writing nonsensical nonsense.

Poetry/Short Story tuesdays:   Nothing too catchy about this one just trying to stretch my creative legs.

Fashion Fridays:  Current Outfit for the day and a little description about how it make me feel.

Shenanigans Saturday: Usually write based off a prompt…usually lol

 

So hopefully this will all help me organize myself and set a schedule for me to follow.

I really am looking forward to actually posting stuff on this website and contributing to my creative ways, which desperately need some help, I’m in a bit of a pickle.

But hope you all are having a super fantastic week, with love, laughter, and light.

Always,

MourningDoves7 >*<