“6:00,” my alarm seems to wear this as a badge. Flashing it to me repeatedly as if showing me it’s credibility that this truly is the time. “Curses,” I would yell. The alarm just kept ringing, only getting louder each and every minute, “Today is the day isn’t it?” With one push of a button the shrill drumming that penetrated every cell in my body vibrating my senses to awaken in a panic suddenly stopped. It was in that moment I realized how painstakingly quiet my life was.
It was usually in this moment my subconscious would tell me to talk to myself. Reverberating every activity I was doing, about to do, and thinking about doing. “So since I just finished cleaning the downstairs, should I clean the stairs, or should I just go get the groceries?” How funny my voice sounds in the early morning air. So thick, raspy, and full of yesterday, it felt as if something was holding on to it, choking me, and not letting me go.
“Grocery shopping would keep my mind busy till at least…” I glanced over at the clock, “Shit! It’s almost 8 already?” Disappointment took a hold of me like a sudden falling sensation. I took a deep breath to catch myself. Only so much more time to spend alone, to spend reliving, rethinking every haunting moment. My body is not mine anymore, “Its time.”