We had an endless kind of summer that year. Daydreams were my passion, keeping me from doing anything productive and feeling the panic and sweat that comes with the coming fall and school year. I could occupy my mind with pretty much anything, the beautiful expensive leather strap up sandals every girl was wearing and which I desperately wanted but couldn’t afford, the beautiful bikini with the polka dots all in the favorite shades of pink, the beautiful boy that bagged my groceries every shopping Saturday whom I desperately wanted to touch especially his amazingly seemingly soft dimples on his beautifully shaven cheeks. Yet it was all too much for me, I wasn’t ready to be a senior, and this was my first year in a real school from Homeschooling.
Fear is the best description of what I usually would feel in a new situation, fear and anxiety my usual two best friends that kept me from talking to people I didn’t know over the telephone, going up to order food at even a fast food restaurant or going out by myself for that matter. I was always surrounded by either my parents or someone that I have known for a really long time. I loved sameness, if I had a choice to never change my routine I wouldn’t, but in all honesty I knew that change was inevitable and would only benefit me.
“Good morning world”, I wouldn’t say the first day of 12th grade. In fact waking up at 7 was way too early for me. “9 or 10 definitely more suitable for someone with creativity and someone with an artsy kind of mind”, would always be my excuse for laziness. I did sort of define myself as a creative, artsy kind of person. Always keeping a notebook slash journal with me wherever I went to jot down ideas or beautiful poems that I started daydreaming in my mind. In the real world I knew something like that wouldn’t have given me a life, my father kept reminding me of this as we drove to the school. Yet my mind didn’t hear him, all I could think about was the ever constant reminder that I was finally going to a real school, with real people, and real boys. My heart raced at the thought of seeing someone cute and finally creating a real fling with someone.
“Don’t daydream too often love you’ll never learn anything,” my mom would say in a jokingly matter knowing of course I was a top notch student who cared about nothing more then learning and making something of myself (as she thought), “And please don’t forget to breathe!” She knew my anxiety all too well, but so far I kept my feelings of nervousness at bay, I knew that it could indeed be a good day!
Driving up to the school I knew I thought that way too soon, with all the hustle and bustle of people of all shapes and sizes zooming to get to their classes on time I felt the scary urge to hyperventilate.
*Author’s Note* Since I was unable to really have any time to sit down and write a full on short story here is the best I could come up with the time that was given to me. In a since this story is about me and my anxiety issues that I had in High School and still have to this day. I might try to add more, but I find beauty sometimes in the unfinished the unknown of some of my characters I create. Though I do like to see a finale and to see where they might go, sometimes things are just better left unsaid. Hope you enjoyed my work. Hopefully many more to come! Mourningdoves7 >*<